Wedlock - Wendy Moore

For all the biographies and social history books that I have on my shelves, it is actually quite rare that I have an overwhelming urge to read one.  Maybe it is their size or the fear that they will be too academic and dry.  I'm not really sure.  So when I get the urge to read one, it is certainly best that I make the most of it.  I'm not sure if it has been the cold that made me reach out for a nice thick, comforting read about another period, but I certainly didn't quite get what I was expecting from Wendy Moore's Wedlock: How Georgian Britain's Worst Husband Met His Match, as it paints a rich and also incredibly disturbing picture of the marriage between Mary Eleanor Bowes and Andrew Robinson Stoney.  Certainly far from a comforting read.  

Mary Eleanor Bowes was the only child of George Bowes, a member of the noble Bowes family and an important and talented businessman in his own right, and the heiress Mary Gilbert.  Mary's childhood was pampered and privileged, and as part of this she enjoyed an exemplary education normally reserved for the sons of the nobility.  Intellectually gifted, with a keen interest in botany, Mary came to the attention of Lady Mary Wortley Montagu a well known intellectual and the organiser of the celebrated Blue-Stocking Club which she held at her London residence.

Mary's father sadly died when she was just eleven, leaving her the heir of his exceedingly prosperous estate valued between £80 and £150 million in modern terms.  In Georgian Britain the aristocracy viewed marriage as an important way to build powerful relationships between great families.  Although arranged marriages were slowly making way to the concept of love matches, financial considerations still played an important part.  And Mary, now the richest heiress in Britain and possibly even Europe, was seen as being quite a catch.  Enjoying the attentions of various privileged sons, and even a prince, Mary settled on John Lyon, the ninth Earl of Strathmore and a member of the noble yet impoverished Lyon family.  Marrying on her seventeenth birthday in 1768, Mary not only brought her considerable wealth to the partnership, but also her name.  As part of the stipulations of her father's will, any man that Mary was to marry, as well as the children of that union, were required to take the name of Bowes.  In adulthood, some of the five children from Mary's first marriage styled themselves as Bowes-Lyon, creating the Bowes-Lyon lineage from which Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, the Queen Mother, descended from.

The marriage between Mary and the Earl of Strathmore was not successful.  Over 10 years older than his bride, the Earl and Mary differed greatly in terms of temperament, personality and interests.  The Earl discouraged Mary's intellectual pursuits and forced her to break many of her relationships with intellectuals, such as her patron Lady Mary Wortley Montagu.  Mary also had a difficult relationship with his family, which did not improve after the death of the Earl from ill-health in March 1776 after nine years of marriage.

Mary's marriage settlement with the Earl allowed generous provisions for herself and their children should she be widowed, and she also regained her life interest from her father's estate upon the Earl's death.  As such, Mary was now one of the richest widows in Britain.  Mary made the most of her freedom, and 1776 for her was largely characterised by excess and flaunting her lover George Gray with whom she started a affair during the last months of the Earl's life.  It was her behaviour during this year that coloured society's opinion again her and labelled her as scandalous and decadent, and which accounted for the lack of support she received during her subsequent court cases against her second husband.

Although Mary was not keen to be married again due to her unhappy experiences with the Earl, in August or September 1776 Mary was formally betrothed to Gray when she was pregnant the third time with his child (this third pregnancy, like the two previous to it, ended in abortion with the fourth abortion attempt being unsuccessful).  During this period Mary also enjoyed the attentions of Andrew Robinson Stoney.  

Andrew Robinson Stoney was the eldest son of a privileged family who made their money from their lands in Ireland.  Although the heir to his father's successful farming business, Stoney had no interest in working the land for his living.  Ambitious but lazy, with fantasies of wealth and power, Stoney abandoned his future inheritance to become an ensign, the lowest rank of officer, in the Fourth or King's Own Regiment.  Although at first promising, a few short months revealed that Stoney was not suited for army life and his undistinguished military career was made up of poor behaviour, accumulating massive debts due to his decadent lifestyle, and relying on family connections within the army to get him out of trouble.  

It was while an ensign that Stoney managed to get himself into the company of Hannah Newton, the only child of a father who, like Mary's, made a fortune through coal.  An heiress, Hannah's inheritance was worth more than £3 million in modern terms, making her extremely attractive to Stoney.  In turn bullying and wheedling his father until he settled sufficient lands and funds on Stoney to allow him to meet the requirements of a future spouse for Hannah, Stoney married Hannah in 1768.  Charming and generous when courting Hannah, marriage revealed Stoney's vicious temper and behaviour.  If his later behaviour towards Mary is any indication, it is extremely likely that Stoney was physically and emotionally abusive and controlling towards Hannah.  In 1776, Hannah died in childbirth, her child dying with her.

Without an heir, Stoney had now lost all claim to Hannah's fortune, and so began searching for other means to achieve the lavish lifestyle that he desired.  After a brief flirtation with Anne Massingberd, Stoney set his sights on Mary.  As with the poor unfortunate Hannah, Stoney wheedled himself into Mary's company and her affections.  He also employed underhand schemes and sent letter purporting to be from others, to encourage her attractions.  Indeed throughout Stoney's life he showed himself as not being a stranger to theatrics in order to achieve his suspect ends.

One of his biggest theatrics was in terms of securing Mary's hand in marriage, despite her being formally engaged to Gray.  In January 1777, Stoney took part in a duel with the Reverend Henry Bates, the editor of the Morning Post, to protect the honour of Mary, whose character was being vilified in Bates' publication.  Injured during the duel, and reported to be suffering from a life threatening wound verified by four witnesses, Mary agreed to marry the man that risked his life for her honour and who, it was believed, would shortly die.  However, not long after the marriage ceremony was performed, Stoney, now named Bowes due to the stipulation from her father's will, began to quickly recover.  Moore believes that the whole duel and his supposed wounds were all part of a cunning ploy by Bowes.

In Georgian Britain where the upper classes abhorred the scandal of divorce and separation resulted in social exile for the separated wife, marriage was generally for life, with unhappy marriages only ending upon the death of one of the spouses (as in the case of Mary and the Earl of Strathmore).  As such, there was very little protection for Mary from the savage and brutal attacks that Bowes subjected her to during their marriage.  Almost immediately after they were married, Bowes began to brutally attack Mary, sometimes during sustained periods of half an hour at a time.  Pinching, slapping, punching, kicking, burning and hitting Mary with objects such as the hilt of a sword of a candlestick, Bowes was inconceivably vicious.  Weakened by the constant abuse, Bowes also restricted the amount of food that she was allowed, making her thin and frail.

Not content with physical brutality, Bowes also sought to undermine any support that Mary could turn to.  He forced her to write letters to his family and friends that made her sound cold and pompous.  He restricted the company she could keep and made her act odd, rude and deranged to guests, amplified by the fact that Bowes would not allow her buy new clothes so that she appeared unkempt and dishevelled.  As the one now hiring and paying the servants, he made them report on Mary's behaviour and threatened her to ensure that she would not confide to anyone the abuse she sufferred.  Bowes also severely restricted Mary's movements, initially getting servants to spy and report on where she went to, and eventually banning her from visiting her beloved gardens without his permission, and on rare occasions when allowed, only in the company of Bowes or a trusted servant.

He also flaunted his indiscretions and illegitimate children in front of the humiliated Mary, in one instance forcing her translate a love letter he had written to one of his French mistresses, and in another forcing her to comment on the appearance of one of his illegitimate children, the product of an affair with the lowly nursemaid hired to nurse Mary's young son with Bowes.

Mary's existence with Bowes was miserable and the descriptions of her mistreatment, even hundreds of years later, are extremely difficult to read.  Reading these, you cannot help but feel sorrow and pity for Mary, little protected by law and alienated from possible support, and anger towards the disgusting and savage Bowes.  I was close to tears on so many occasions, and moved by the efforts made by her servants to help Mary escape her inconceivable existence, although it would only take sustained threats to her life before Mary finally had the courage to leave him.  

For escape she finally did in February 1785 after eight years of abuse.  Where divorce was only achievable through being sanctioned by three different courts and processes, and it being much harder for a woman to divorce a man rather than the other way round, it was only through lengthy suits over numerous years (which Bowes doggedly appealed against) that Mary was legally separated from Bowes.  During these hard years, Bowes was in control of Mary's fortune, so she had to rely on the charity of servants, her tenants and friends to support her.  Unwilling to relinquish his hold on Mary, Bowes terrorised those who tried to support Mary and agree to testify against Bowes, sullied her name and reputation through commissioning false stories and cruel illustrations, and even abducted her in broad daylight until she was rescued by farm hands.  Finally four years after Mary escaped Bowes her divorce was announced in March 1789 and Mary's ownership of her fortunes re-instated.  However, Mary was never fully free from Bowes, as although he was now unable to contest the divorce, he still made numerous attempts to gain access to her estate.

I wish that Wedlock would have included more details about Mary's life after she was finally free from Bowes as some sort of vindication for the tormented existence she suffered at his hands.  By all intents and purposes, it seems that afterwards she led a quite, secluded and peaceful life.  I hope that she was able to find some peace, for she surely deserved it.